i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
