woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
