Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
