I look better un-naked...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
