i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
