I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
