I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
