tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
