just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
