I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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