god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
