ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
