i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
