He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
