you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
