I puked a lego.
you would pick up someone in the library
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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