i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
