im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
