it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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