I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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