Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
