Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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