I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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