I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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