ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
