only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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