oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
