Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
