Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
