Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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