it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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