so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
