I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
