Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
