i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
