So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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