Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize