sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
