So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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