so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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