Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
