I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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