im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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