I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
