Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The Olympian is in my bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
