his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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