I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
