I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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