Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
