If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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