i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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