I'm going to jail i love you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
