i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
