I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
