I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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