I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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