it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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