i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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