I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
