I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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