I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
