apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
