i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
