At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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